As we were walking, we heard him speaking from behind and turned back to look. It turns out he was speaking to a student on the street, who was also a Korean. Perhaps they recognized each other by their looks and started talking? (I don’t know :3) The student had a fanciful haircut. What surprised me was that when he spoke to our family friend (who was obviously much older than him), he immediately became very tensed up and his shoulders were squared. He kept bowing and spoke very humbly and respectfully. Why this surprised me was because his haircut and the way he was acting did not match at all.
Through this, I could see the culture of Koreans' respect towards seniority. I am just merely guessing by the looks of the student that perhaps he led a more liberal lifestyle, being a product of overseas education. Nonetheless, he still showed respect to his seniors. When compared to Singapore, this conscious effort of showing respect to seniority is not such a predominant practice.
Personally, I prefer the culture of showing respect because I think it does not only serve the seniority, but the younger ones can also foster a humbler and respectful character. On the other hand, our family friend also mentioned that sometimes, it could get quite tiring too. There are actually quite many things that one needs to take note of, like for example, we have to take note that even our eye contact should not be too direct, but slightly angled, and so on. So I was wondering, perhaps when communicating with our family friend, there could be some instances when our actions or words could be deemed as disrespectful in the Korean context, but we were unaware of it. Perhaps on his side, he also understands that we, as Singaporeans, have a different culture, so he did not take it to heart.
What can help promote better intercultural communication,
then? On our part, first, we can try to gain more knowledge about the Korean
culture. The main idea behind this, I think, is mainly to lessen (and hopefully
eliminate) instances when we actually do something that makes the other party
really uncomfortable. I do not think that we have to practice all parts of
their culture, not because of self-centredness, but rather, I think, like for example,
if we have to do the angled eye contact, it is just not what we do usually and
it will probably just come across as forced. On the other hand, on our family
friend’s part, he could be more tolerant and understanding that we may perceive
the meaning of certain words or actions differently (which he was already doing
very well).
In any case, I think many things really springs forth from within so having respect for each other from within is more important.
Hey Vivian!
ReplyDeleteInteresting read. I agree with your conclusion, 'having respect for each other from within is more important'.
Many times, in the midst of preventing conflict (through many external means such as what you mentioned about the angling of eyes and so on), the default attitude and motivation of the individual becomes conflict avoidance - which is probably one of the least helpful attitudes in building ties between two culturally-differing persons.
I do agree that these external means of showing respect for each other do facilitate the building of the relationship. However, it is usually when people are honestly themselves when relationships go deep. This is bound to lead to conflict or misunderstandings, but I think taking the time to address each issue would reap huge dividends for both parties pertaining to the relationship.
Wonderful post!
Hi Nan.
DeleteWhile honesty is good in maintaining a relationship, I do believe that this may be difficult to pull off if the person does not know you well. With reference to intercultural interactions, someone who decides to be honest and pats someone on the back during the first meeting may be seen as offensive to someone else, say a senior in from Korea. So there would be a need to be aware of when to put more emphasis on respect and when to start opening up and being honest with one another.
However, it is difficult to know when since sometimes people get to caught up with respecting other's feelings, causing themselves to get hurt in the process. I think that's why Vivian's family friend may feel tired of the many customs of his culture - he is probably not the only one in Korea who feels like that. It probably varies from person to person (instead of culture to culture) - some prefer to follow customs strictly and establish a distance with everyone he/she meets, while others are more accommodating and are much more approachable.
If so, how would we know and establish comfortable relationships with them? :) Anyone wishes to share? Thanks!
Very interesting indeed.
ReplyDelete